you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
