Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i will never coherently bang her
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
