After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
