i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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