dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You pole danced in your parka.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
