If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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