It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
