Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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