So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
