I'm going to jail i love you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
