Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
