I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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