Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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