exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
