Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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