If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
