it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
