I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
