at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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