i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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