anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
