I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
