So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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