2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
