I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
