whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
