my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
