I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
