We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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