My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
