my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
