Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
