I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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