I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
