My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
