You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
