My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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