I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
