So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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