My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she told me i tasted like america
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
