I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
