please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
