Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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