is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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