I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wear drunk well.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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