I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
