He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
