i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
