Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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