I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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