I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
