guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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