White coat. Heels.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
