dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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