I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
