How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
