Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
